Life had been throwing me curve balls lately and I was not doing well at learning how to hit them. I wasn't me. I wasn't finding the Ashley way to pull myself out of ruts or the Ashley way to find motivation to help myself find happiness. I was broken and I didn't know why, which is the scariest part of being broken. People often joke that I have two modes - on and off. And for some reason - some unknown reason - that switch was stuck on off. It's crushing to know who you are and who you have been in the past setting goals and conquering the world only to then sit helpless and confused stuck in a dark house feeling alone. I feel very thankful for the friends I have who know when to slap me with truth and honesty. In particularly, T.K., who one night while subbing for Max at our TopGolf league in April blatantly told me I was miserable and it was getting to the point where I needed to do something or things were only going to get worse. It was a wake up call. The advice I needed to spark the mindset that life did not need to be this way. That the world was big and life was short and with my mind and motivation, it made no sense to let anything hold me down. So, I abruptly hit the emergency stop button on life. I quit my job, broke my lease, called my mom and said I'm done. I needed to hold down that power button for a hard reset and see if a restart would bring some life back in me. I was invited back to mom's house in St. Louis for the summer with open arms. So I sold off most of my possessions, packed up the 4Runner, and hit the road for step one of a new beginning. And in the midst of the madness, I made one more spontaneous decision:
A roundtrip ticket from Honolulu to New Zealand
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